jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
