I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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