maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
