I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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