Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drunk is not a location!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
