I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
