I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
