I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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