remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
birth control should be required to get into college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
