There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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