Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
