is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
