What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high