I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?