my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.