i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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