Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
