she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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