I will die if light touches me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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