I wish I could teleport
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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