fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize