It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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