i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
