Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
