OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
