yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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