Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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