some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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