I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
