he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
