your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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