Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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