I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
