"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she told me i tasted like america
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
