I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
