i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
