Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
