My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
