what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
