The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We got so high we made milksteak
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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