hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
