You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
