Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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