My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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