I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
