ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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