I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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