and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
