Your tits are I can't wait for
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
