I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
