hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
