and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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