She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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