who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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