I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
3pm strippers are depressing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
