I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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