i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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