my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
