I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
