He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
