you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
